Op-Ed: Can Joe Biden win amid all this cheating? That’s up to you.
By Sam Youngman and Adam Parkhomenko
Donald Trump’s wives don’t seem too bright. And we all know they’ve got the worst fucking taste in the world.
But they know better than most just how much Trump likes to cheat.
Less than 50 days from Election Day, the most dangerous possibility facing American democracy is a president who will use the levers of the federal government to cheat and stay in office for another four years against the wishes -- and votes -- of the American people.
Every damn day there is more evidence of this. Whether it’s Kanye and Jared or Wisconsin Republicans suddenly falling in love with Green Party dumbshits, Trump Republicans are determined to keep their orange hero in office. And they don’t mind cheating to do it.
Look at the United States Senate. Under Ron Johnson’s control, the Homeland Security Committee is doing an investigation into Joe Biden that the Ukrainians thought was too unethical. We know he got info from a Kremlin source, we know he thought everything Biden did was right at the time, we know he started this investigation after Biden wrapped up the nomination (like literally the day after) and we know he’s doing it to hurt Biden. We also know our national political press is more gullible than a Q idiot buying a lock of Trump’s hair from a trusted vendor on 8chan. So don’t be surprised when they act like Johnson is a real senator who ran a real investigation even though he keeps admitting that he did the whole thing to hurt Biden’s campaign.
Then there’s the attorney general, enjoying a mystifying and laminated free pass from both the press and the Democrats we elected in 2018 and traveling the country with idiotic conspiracy theories about vote by mail. Bill Barr is happy to help Trump cheat. We know because we watched him do it before. And many times since.
Then there’s Facebook. Mark Zuckerberg is Trump trash posing as a deep thinker. You’re not interesting, dude. You’re just rich. (We’re even starting to hate Jesse Eisenberg, and he didn’t really do anything wrong.) We know Facebook is Team Trump no matter how much that little weasel pretends to be objective. His company has implemented policies that allow them to profit off hate while promoting Trumpism and disappearing ads that dare attack his orange buddy.
Louis DeJoy is a Republican donor who is fleecing the postal service while also dismantling it in plain sight. Yeah, they’re wrecking the thing that started with the Pony Express to make it harder to count our votes and easier to keep Trump in office. And the board of governors? Run by the same creep running Mitch McConnell’s super PAC. We wish we were making some of this up.
Russia is also back, trying to hack Biden campaign contractors and encouraging the dumbest Americans in history to be real patriots and go to battle for the president who is letting them die and lying about it.
In Florida, they instituted a fucking poll tax to try and keep former felons from voting. In Georgia, they wrongfully removed 200,000 from voting rolls. In North Carolina, the president is telling his supporters to vote twice and show up to be poll watchers. In Washington, D.C, the White House has been turned into the RNC’s new offices, and even the press has given up on counting all the Hatch Act violations.
Yes, it’s a murderers’ row of anti-democratic forces aligning to help a deranged game show host keep his grip on power.
And we didn’t even mention whatever hijinks Saudi Arabia or North Korea or China or twitter or Meghan McCain might try to pull this November. Hell, we’ll only be a little surprised if Don Jr. tries to submit a bunch of sample ballots as the real thing. Or ya know, lock himself in his room and hold his breath until we promise to let his daddy win.
It’s a horrible feeling. And it’s new to America. Well, it’s new to white America. Real patriots are working hard to correct course from four years of death and dumb, taking their democracy in their own hands to make change and all the while they know they could be cheated out of a just and honest outcome.
So what can we do?
We can work, we can fight, we can vote and then we can fight some more.
Right now, the best thing you can do is make a plan to vote, make a plan to have your vote counted, give money to Democratic campaigns and groups that are fighting in court for voting access if you can and then work, work, work your asses off to get people on board and voting. The goal for all of us should be a margin so large that even Trump’s cheatin’ ass can’t beat.
Hope, however, is a great concept and a shitty strategy. And Team Joe seems to know this.
The Biden campaign is building up its legal resources to prepare for whatever shit Trump tries to pull. When you contribute to their campaign, you’re helping pay for the lawyers who will do battle for us. At this stage in the game -- and after watching too many years of Trump -- we all know how critical this part is now.
Nov. 3rd is Election Day, but it is not the end of the election. So start preparing yourself now to stay locked in as long as it takes. You are needed in this fight. Get ready to dig in because the campaign season might last a long time this year.
But you’re smart, engaged people who already know most of this. And you’re probably losing sleep over it like we are.
And unlike Ivana, Marla and Melania, you won’t be surprised when a cheatin’ piece of shit cheats.
You also have much better taste.
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