Op-Ed: What We Know – And What We Don't Know – About 2021
By Sam Youngman & Adam Parkhomenko
Well, the idiot circus of death, degradation and dipshittery that was 2020 is about to end.
We hope. Oh dear god, did we jinx it?
Nope, the calendar is one of those things like death, taxes and the Trumps being racist assholes that you can definitely count on.
But looking ahead, it’s damn difficult to tell where we’re headed. Especially when we look back at where we’ve been. So here are a few things we know for sure, and a couple that we don’t.
What we know — Joe Biden is going to be inaugurated as our next president on Jan. 20, 2021.
Help is on the way. Yeah, the coup-coup birds who have been stinking up the Oval Office with their seditious plotting are trying like hell to overturn the will of the American people, end the American democratic experiment and start some kind of civil war. But they are also the dumbest dumbfucks in the history of dumbfuckatude.
They will fail because this is America, and in this country, the people pick the president. So after four years of death and scandal and debasement of the presidency, we can relax a little as we turn the page to more compassionate, more common sense leadership that isn’t orange and doesn’t demand your governor ask him nicely if he needs some ventilators for dying Americans.
What we know — Our fight is just starting.
We just came damn close to losing anything. There were 74 million Americans who saw their fellow Americans dying, saw their president playing golf and lying about the deadly disease and thought to themselves, “That idiot sure is groovy. Give us four more years of that.”
And then we watched as a shocking number of elected Republican officials did everything they could to steal the election for Trump. Are we going to forget that Lindsey Graham called the Georgia Secretary of State and asked him to throw out votes? Are we going to forget that the Wisconsin Supreme Court was one vote away from throwing out majority Black voting areas? Are we going to forget the 126 traitors in the U.S. House of Representatives who asked the Supreme Court to throw out millions of votes?
Hell no, we’re not.
They came for our democracy. They failed, but they’ll be back. We’ve seen who they are and how far they are willing to go to get what they want. We can’t forget it, and we can never let our guards down again. The era of ignoring politics until it’s time to vote is over.
What we don’t know — How much help we’re going to have in Washington.
That’s up to the good people of Georgia and every concerned American who is trying to help Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff get across the finish line and send Mitch McConnell packing.
It seems unfair that we’re following up the most important election of our lifetimes with the second most important elections of our lifetimes just a couple months later, but it’s also not fair that Trump and his scumbag kids aren’t spending Christmas in prison.
So on Jan. 6, we’ll either get two patriots who want to pass real COVID relief, stand for justice and equality and help Biden get us back on track. Or we get another two years — at least — of Mitch McConnell as majority leader. That’s two years of Lindsey Graham and Ron Johnson and Marco Rubio carrying the torch of Trumpism into the Senate committee rooms. It’s two years of obstruction. Two years of “investigating” voter fraud. Two years of making Hunter Biden Public Enemy No. 1.
America needs you, Georgia. Get it done.
What we know — It won’t be easy to crawl out of the hole Trump dug.
At his year-end press conference Tuesday, Joe Biden told reporters that he doesn’t anticipate any kind of honeymoon and that Trump’s “failure will land on my doorstep.”
Now Joe was talking about the latest Russian hacks, but it’s a pretty good summation of what he’s about to walk into.
As excited as we are to turn the page on Trumpism, the sad truth is it’s going to take a while to undo all the damage. There are so many dead, so many struggling, so many businesses closed, so many kids to reunite with their parents, so many people around the world wondering if America can ever truly be America again and so much colossally stupid shit to clean up after four years of game show host rule.
There are hard questions without easy answers, and we’re looking at a lot of hard work ahead of us to get out of this mess. And we’ll be doing it with a narrow majority in the House, which now includes more Matt Gaetz-like human garbage. We need to be clear-eyed about the challenges ahead. But we have the White House and Donald Trump doesn’t, and that’s a big damn start.
What we know — The coming year will be better than the last one.
Oh shit. What did we just do?
We probably just ensured murder hornets the size of 747s, Don Jr. as the next pope and venereal diseases for everyone. Hopefully that’s not the case, and we’re not sabotaging the coming year with our optimism.
But the world has been through hell. America just made it through one of the worst years in her history, and she’s still standing. If our country can survive a cruel, incompetent jackass who can’t spell hamburger and a deadly pandemic, then there’s reason to think we might just be ok.
The truth is we don’t know what’s going to happen in 2021. But we know that a good way to start is with a New Year’s resolution.
And this year we resolved to lose 240 (ahem) pounds of heartless orange dumbshit, and that’s one resolution you can bet your ass we’re gonna stick to.
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